Gotta get that other journal down.

I'm feeling better now. I vented and talked to people and thought about what happened. I'm still nervous about going to work today, but I'll be on time as usual, do my job, clean what they ask me to, and leave when it's time to go home. Hopefully I just blew their reactions out of proportion and things are manageable.

I need a new silver sharpie. Mine is pretty dead. Oh, and I got doll clothes to cut down to Tobi's size, so he'll be warm for winter. Now I just need boots for him.

I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes. If I only have a counciling statement Friday, I'm extremely lucky. But of course I'm completely to blame for it, EVERYTHING is my fault, no one else is at fault for anything. And it's all because I'm such a rotten person, isn't it?!

EDIT
Ok, since the Monday after Halloween when I started at 6:30 in the morning, I’ve been working each day. Nine days straight, only three morning shifts, two at 6:30 am till 2:30 pm, and one at 8:30am til 4:30 pm. The rest were evening/closing starting in the 2:30/3:30 range and lasting till 10 or 11 at night. Two of those shifts started at 5 or 6, but they called to see if I’ll come in early. Sure. I could use extra hours, who couldn’t? But with extra hours do they have to throw in bitchy-ness? I swear, every time I could in early for them, someone in the office just has to have an attitude with me. Hello?! I came in early for YOU! Not because I decided I wanted to cut short the time I could be using for my research paper and come in and be a thorn in your side. It’s the other way around; you couldn’t care less about my grades and are a thorn in MY side.
So it’s day nine and I’m not scheduled till 6pm. 8:16am I get a call from work. ‘Can you come in early today?’ ‘What time?’ ‘Around 1 or 2?’ ‘I’m in school till 2.’ ‘3?’ “That’s cutting it close.’ ‘3:30?’ ‘Sure.’ I don’t want to go in till 6 anyway, but I agreed to 3:30, my research paper can wait yet another day. So after school I go home to eat, change and check DA before heading to work. Laurie forgot to mention that the piano guys are delivering the piano she bought for the family today. No lunch, quick DA check and a rush to change and leave for work. I get there and all is okay for a bit, grad a cereal bowl and milk, get a card and clock in. work as a bagger till 4:30 when someone remembers I’m supposed to be a cashier. I’m not in a good mood due to Mother Natures monthly gift and lack of pain killers (aka ibuprofen), but I survive due to nice customers and go to lunch at 6:10. Half hour later and I go out in the rain to get carts. Once my pants are uncomfortably wet, I come in to let the manager at the time know and ask about a spare pair. She suggests I just work in the back on my chore while they dry. Not a problem. So after cleaning up the mop room and digging out the custodian cart, I finally start the chore but I’m late. I clean the back bathrooms and head to the front and clean the breakroom. Seeing I won’t get everything done on time, I ask the same manager if someone can help me. She says yes and after getting the boxes of bags for said person, I go back to the front bathrooms. My helper only did the bags. They did not sweep the registers or fix the paper bags. The store manager comes back by then and yells at the manager I asked for help about the sweeping and paper bags, she then yells at me. WHY?!I asked for help with this job for a reason, and just because they didn’t do the whole thing I’m getting yelled at? Plus repeating a question I answered does not help, and apparently I gave attitude. But I sweep the registers and go to mop the store. It’s non-stop I tell you. Okay, everything done, clock out , call for grocery list and pick out groceries. I go to check out. Now she asks about the paper bags, and when I go to answer someone else comes in and asks a similar question. When I answer them, I’m once again in the wrong with an attitude. So I finish the paper bags and clock out again. Now when I go to check out, the cashier walks right on by me. WTF? So I wait, and she doesn’t return. I leave, leaving the groceries on the belt, ice cream, two half gallons of milk and whipped cream. Then the manager and cashier go to talk to the store manager, I see this in my sideview mirror, but I can’t go back in now, even though the cashier is right there. I’d probably get yelled at again, and besides I don’t think a manager should threaten to “embarrass me in front of everyone” there just because she’s upset and interpreting things wrong. In fact she shouldn’t even be threatening anything.
Now, I’m definitely one sided on this, but what have I done wrong? I can’t be completely innocent, but I’m not completely wrong either. I plan to call and or go in and apologize to someone hopefully tomorrow(today).

I couldn't sleep till I typed all of this. Finished at about 3:40 this morning.

Seriously, I just need to rant, but I'm so upset I'm starting to cry again and can't type straight. FUCK!